Married to a Real Comedian

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For a short amount of time pre-twins, my husband was a real life, part-time stand-up comic. He had taken a comedy class in Boston and as part of the "final exam," he had to perform at a comedy club in front of a live audience. The manager of the club loved his act so much that he asked Michael to perform on a regular basis.

That regular basis lasted until one day, right before his performance, Michael came down with a kidney stone and had to cancel his appearance last minute. Unfortunately, Michael never returned to comedy after that, but he sure would have had enough material to fill hours after living through having a kidney stone!

Michael's entire act consisted of roasting me - his wife, his best friend, his love. He talked about what it was like being married to me, the apparently hysterical things that I've been known to do, my harebrained schemes, and everything else in between. It was a no holds barred performance and he made me sound like he was Ricky living with a real Lucy Ricardo. I have to admit that I did think it was funny (so did the audience) and I enjoyed being the butt of his loving-in-a-way jokes, but now that I have an audience of my own through this blog, it's PAYBACK time.

His Love of Cleaning
My husband is a clean freak. Remember Bob Saget on Full House? Remember how he would line up all his shirts in a row and make sure everything was orderly. My husband has him beat. Two times a year, Michael arranges for us to participate in the "BIG CLEAN." Unfortunately, the big clean always falls around a holiday - Christmas and July 4th. I no longer associate these holidays with joy and happiness like I'm supposed to. All I can do is to dread the big clean. The big clean involves doing things like vacuuming out the refrigerator, moving furniture around to get behind things, cleaning drying vents with a long brush, and sponging down doorknobs.

It's TV Time
When Michael and I first started dating, he told me that he didn't watch much TV. Now, let me set the record that I only watch about 1 - 2 hours of TV a week. When someone tells me that they don't watch a lot of TV, I'm thinking that they watch TV about the same amount as me. Well, I fell right into the trap and didn't know that he actually watches a lot more TV than that until I was already well in love with him.

That’s it, Time for Bed
When Michael is ready to go to sleep, that's it, end of story. I am given 1 minute's notice that he is going to bed and off he goes. I barely have time to say "good night" before he is asleep. His mother says that her side of the family could fall asleep on a picket fence if they had to and from what I've seen with Michael, I certainly don't deny it. The problem is that it takes me forever to fall asleep and I like to chit-chat a little bit to give closure to the day. This never goes over well though. If you don't let Michael fall asleep when he wants to, he gets very grumpy.

When people find out that Michael was an aspiring comedian, they always want to know if he is really funny at home. Yes, he is really funny at home. It's not so much what he does that's funny (that's my department), it's what he says that's so funny. He has snappy comebacks for everything and he is always making me and the kids laugh. I do have a blast with him.

It's not always fun and games in our household though - especially when Michael remembers that it's time for the big clean. Then, we're not laughing at all!

Take a moment below and feel free to give us a playful roast of your significant other.